Thursday, May 26, 2011

Hunting Jobs and Men.


Job hunting is no different than dating.

Stage One

Job Hunt (JH): This is where you meet your potential employers. It's usually a 'casual' chat about yourself and they give you a brief background on their company. The clientele, the number of employees, and how fun the company can be. In short, you both are trying to seem appealing to the other party.

The Date (TD): This is where you meet your potential partner. It's usually a CASUAL chat about yourself and he/she will give you a brief (or not, depending on how nervous or how much alcohol has been consumed) background about themselves. It's usually about their families, their jobs and how fun they are outside of their jobs. In short, you both are trying really hard to seem fuckable to the other person.

Stage Two

JH: Congratulations, they might like you. This is where it gets slightly more intense. You are asked to talk more in depth about yourself. What you want. What are your expectations. What you can provide for the company. They might even sum you up and  put a value on you and how much you are worth to the company.

They tell you things you want to hear. They tell you they like your work, and you have the potential. They may even lead you on occasionally by asking questions like "So when can you start?" and saying things like "You're just what we're looking for".

You will never be able to read how true all this is.

TD: Congratulations, he/she might actually like you. Seeing that the course of dating has to be prolonged compared to an interview, stage two probably begins after 5-6 dates where things begin to get intense. You are asked to talk more in depth about the 'relationship'. Where is this going? What do you want? What are your expectations? What can you provide for this 'relationship'? He/she might even sum you up and put a value on what you're worth in terms of investing time and energy in this 'relationship'.

He/she will tell you things you want to hear. He/she will say they like you, and they see this going somewhere. He/she might even lead you on occasionally by making faux statements that involves future plans and how you are exactly what he/she is looking for.

It is almost impossible to read how true all of this is.

Stage Three

JH: The waiting game. You wait for them to call you. You constantly check your email for a call back. You start to go insane.

TD: The waiting game. You wait for him/her to call you. You constantly check your phone for a text or a phone call. If you're pathetic enough, an email might even make your day. You start to go insane. You and whoever's crazy enough to stick around to listen.

Stage Four

JH: A call? You got the job. Congratulations. No? Game over, keep calm and carry on.

TD: A call? He's a gem. You stupid lucky bitch. No? Asshole.

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