Facebook Don'ts

We have social etiquette, table manners and of course, not forgetting bedside manners, in the literal sense. However, with the birth of Facebook and its exponential growth in the past years, a new kind of etiquette is born, introduced and applied.

For example, thou shalt not add friends of your friend unless you know them. Listen, your collection of imaginary friends might have been acceptable, or even cute to some at some point in your life when you were 5 but when you're 27, it's just mad creepy. Of course, you might argue that these are real people, not Princess Jayshona from Tikawikishalala  but if you have never met or spoken to these people, honey, trust me, it is the same thing. You're imagining it. Secondly, apart from you reeking of desperation, you're not doing much for my reputation. It's awkward when a friend comes up to me and asks who is so and so and when asked why, you get an answer like "he or she tried adding me the other day". I do not like to be associated with a sketchball or a hornball. Or, like mentioned above, a delusional psychopath. Count Bartholomew VI might not approve. He even warned me about people like you.

Next, thou shalt not add one's boyfriend or girlfriend without first acknowledging the partner. This could just be me but I think it's proper etiquette to announce your desire and intention to add one's partner. You're not asking for permission, just give a heads up. That's almost like the new cyber backstabbing boyfriend/girlfriend stealing move of today. Calling your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend behind his or her back and not bring it up some time during drinks used to be inappropriate. Unless you're planning a surprise birthday party or buying a gift. But you have to come clean after said surprise or gift is presented. Oh, no poking boyfriends/girlfriends too, please. That's sexual harassment.

And then, there's this thing called over sharing on your Facebook status. To be honest, no one gives rats ass about what you did or will be doing the whole day, what you bought for your mother, your emotional baggage from your ex boyfriend/girlfriend, and lastly, we don't care if you have a hangover from drinking 56 shots from last night. This is equivalent to today's version of talking about your 5.6 million dollar deal out loud on your mobile phone for the whole restaurant to know. We don't care.

Moving on. Two of your friends who decide to 'catch up' on your wall. Look, if I dedicated 8, 374, 981 hours of my life on this social network uploading pictures of me that I think are hot and would like people to see, this account better hell be about me. If it does not concern me, take it elsewhere - like a forum or a chatroom. Or if you are less of a geek, try the telephone. This is no different than you wearing white on my wedding day.

So, practice proper etiquette. Oh yeah, please. Thank you.